the maddox family

…you are tying YOUR shoes and you go to tie a double-knot. Times like this just make me sit back smile and laugh at myself. I’m so thankful that I am a mom, even if it means losing a part of my mind and doing silly stuff.

Thank you all so much for your kind words, thoughts, and most importantly your prayers. We’re doing a little better. Each day is easier.

We told Ian Tuesday night. We told him that God had decided he need to keep the baby with him. He asked us when the baby would be here and we told him it would be a while. He asked if it would be Wednesday and we told him no. I get the feeling that he may still have thought that the baby was inside of me, but he hasn’t mentioned it since, so that’s a blessing.

We’re fixing to head out to take Noah to the doctor. He hasn’t been feeling well since Monday. Unfortunately, I haven’t been the attentive mother. Rather than take his temp and call the doctor on Tuesday I/we just kept giving him Tylenol/Triaminic Cold, etc. I took his temp last night and it was 101.8. It was just a little over 99 this morning, but you can still tell he doesn’t feel good. And, since the holiday weekend is coming up we wanted to try and get it knocked out.

We plan to go to the parade in Prattville tomorrow. I’ll be sure to take lots of pics.

Oh, also make sure to look below the last post for pics from our trip to Bellingrath Gardens.

Until then…

This isn’t a post I intended to type. I didn’t want to put it out there - to acknowledge with you what’s happened - to make it real.

I suffered a miscarriage last night. We had only know for about 5 days that I was pregnant, but in those 5 days, probably in the first 5 minutes that I knew I was pregnant I loved that little girl as much as I love my little boys.

And yes, I know in my heart of hearts it was a little girl. Wednesday during Bible Study I looked over at Brandon who had Noah sitting on his nap. I wasn’t thinking about being pregnant. I wasn’t thinking about the new baby and what it may be. But, there she was sitting on Brandon’s lap. A little girl with brown hair. It was a quick “vision” - one that didn’t last long - and in the blink of an eye I was looking at my beautiful Noah. But I knew…I was carrying OUR little girl.

We found out Wednesday afternoon that we were pregnant again. It was a shock. Not because we weren’t trying - we were - but because we had only been trying for 1 month. It’s always harder for us. It takes months and months and surgeries for me to get pregnant. I think that was my first indication that something might not be right - it was just too easy.

I went for blood work on Thursday and found out on Friday that my Quants were low, but that my progesterone was actually a little higher than normal for me. Not the best news in the world, but not the worst either. It could all work out. I was told to be back in Monday morning for more blood work and we would proceed from there.

Brandon and I had planned to go to Six Flags for the day without the boys. My OB nurse had given us the okay, but we decided Sunday night not to go. We didn’t want to chance it. Didn’t want there to be any cause for guilt if something did happen. We headed to Bellengrath Gardens in Mobile and then over to Foley when the weather got bad. We were going to eat at Landry’s before heading home, but after a call with my mom I found out Noah wasn’t feeling good so we went through the drive-through at Zaxby’s. I headed to the bathroom while Brandon got the food.

That’s when it happened. When I knew that we were losing our baby.

We tried to tell ourselves that it didn’t necessarily mean that we were losing her. I had some spotting with Ian and we got through that okay. But I knew. It was different this time.

I called the doctor and he said that unless things got bad in the night just to be at the office at 8:30 this morning for an ultrasound. Thankfully, my wonderful Doctor Martin was in the Prattville office today, so after the ultrasound he was able to come and talk to us. To answer our questions, give us hugs, grieve with us and laugh with us.

Physically I’m okay. I have some cramping and a back ache, but Aleve has helped that a lot.

Emotionally I come and go. I start thinking I’m feeling better and then the bottom drops out again. A wonderful loving friend or loved one calls or Brandon gives me a sweet smile and says “I love you”.

I looked at Ian when we took a nap together this afternoon and cried. I’m SO thankful that he’s here and healthy. But, I want that baby here and healthy too. I want to see that heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor. I want to feel her kick inside of me. I want to hold her, to dress her, to rock her, to love her. I want to know her. To know who she could have been. To watch her grow and see how she stands up to her big brothers when they pick on her. I want to see how her big brothers protect her and take care of her. I want her!

Please keep us in your prayers. I know that we’ll be okay. We’ve been through this once before and we made it. I know that we’ll have another child one day. I know that God loves us, is taking care of us, and that this is just one more valley that we need to cross together. But, we will make it through. We will come through the other side loving each other more, loving our God more.

Brandon and I took a day trip to Bellingrath Gardens yesterday. We ended up getting rained out and only got to see about half of the gardens, but what we did see was beautiful! AFTER we had bought the tickets the ticket agent was kind enough to tell us about the storm that was coming in…thanks a LOT! Here are some pictures I took.

Pardon the hair and no make-up…this was after we had run through the rain…

Sunday afternoon we went to a cook-out/swimming party at Brandon’s boss’ house. Ian and Noah had a great time swimming. We forgot Ian’s floaties, so Brandon worked with him on swimming without. By the time they got out Ian was jumping off of the diving board and doggie-paddling to the ladder!

My 3 guys weren’t the only ones swimming, they were just the 1st ones in and these pics were taken early on.

Once again, after about 15 minutes Noah was more content to stand on the side and watch Ian swim…or play with the puppy in this case.

We went to the outlets at Foley yesterday afternoon and bought Ian a pair of boxer shorts from The Gap. Ian told Brandon, “Daddy, we need to box so that I can wear my boxers.”

Also, I’m so excited to tell you that I’ve been offered a teaching position at Ian (and soon to be Noah’s) Day School! I’ve really been hoping to get on there, and the director called me a couple of weeks ago. I’ll be teaching one of the 2-year old classes. Noah will be in my co-teachers class, so while he’ll have time away from me he’ll also have time with me. I really hope it’s going to help with the separation anxiety. Also, the best part is the boys will get to go for FREE!

Dad & Mom will celebrate their 25th anniversary on July 1st. We took them out to eat tonight at Marchelle’s in downtown Prattville with several friends & family members. We had a great time and great food.

2 Amazing Nancy’s - My Mom & My Mother-in-Law - I don’t know where would I be without these 2 women.

Me & My Boys -

Brandon & Ian -

Cheers!

Noah - chillin’ with his TWO chocolate chip cookies -

Brandon’s Linguini with clams…yes, those are clam shells in his pasta -

The Whole Group -

Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad! I’m so thankful for you and the example you have set for me and so many others. You’ve been through so much, but have still come out smiling and loving each other even more. I pray that you have many, many more years together!

I love you!

We headed out to Shakespeare bright and early this morning to get some shots for me photography assignment this week. 200+ shots later we were done! I got some cute ones (to come later). We headed over to the Children’s Museum for a little while to let the boys play.

I wanted to get some pics of Noah by himself since most of my assignments have focused on Ian since he’s the easier of the 2 to photograph. So, we stopped by the Dollar Tree and we bought some bubbles to try and keep him entertained.

Noah remembered the “Wah-wer” from the last time we were here. So, after a little while we headed to the fountain.

Ian kept leaning as far as he could into the water without getting wet…

…until he slipped…

…and Brandon has to go WRING his shirt out. He was NOT a happy camper. BUT, thankfully, he didn’t complain about it for long.

Chasing each other out on the grass -

Ian & Brandon playing at the “Color in Motion” exhibit -

This…

…made this.

Ian trying on wooden tribal masks…

Noah loved looking at and touching the masks, but he did NOT want to put them on.

I thought the carousel horses and mosaic wall were so pretty…the pictures don’t do them justice.

** I have lots of pics to post today, but it’s been a VERY full day and I’m past tired. However, tomorrow and Monday are going to be just as full, so I’m going to go ahead and get these on here now. I do have some shots of the boys that I took today for my photography class, but I’m going to save those until things slow down a bit…I took over 200 and really need to weed them out. **

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Here are a few pics from Ian’s game Thursday night. I’m trying to reduce the amount of pictures I take…they all end up looking just like the ones taken at the previous game. But, here are some highlights…

I can already see a difference just from the game on Tuesday and the game on Thursday. He’s not playing as much in the outfield and is doing better running and not walking the bases.

Our team is getting in on the pre-game warm-up exercises…

I thought the sky was so pretty!

The team we played, I think they were the “Reds”, kept us laughing! Every time a ball was hit, almost every kid on the team would run for it. They would then dog-pile the one who got to it first. They were pulling 3 or 4 kids off of the one on the bottom. They were getting into it!

If I could change anything about Ian and the way he plays it would be the way he runs. It’s not the running but what he does with his arms when he runs. He waves them all over the place. Hopefully this will pass with time and he won’t be 16 playing high school ball and flapping his arms like a chicken…

And, here’s a sweet picture of Noah…

Ian took the book “Pizza Pat” with him to bed tonight. After about 10 minutes he came into our room with his book in his hands and his lower lip trembling and tears in his eyes. The rats had stole Pizza Pat’s pizza and the picture…

…”makes me feel sad.”

Brandon took him to back to bed and helped him pick out another book that wouldn’t be sad. He chose Curious George. About half-way through this book, George is in tears because his wrecks his bicycle. So, Ian comes back to our room with those puppy dog eyes.

Being the amazing dad that he is, Brandon shows him how on the next page or so George gets happy again because his bike is fixed!

Now, I do think he has a tender heart, but I also think that he may just have wanted an excuse to get out of bed - LOL

We took Noah for his 18 month check-up on Wednesday. He’s doing great. The temper tantrums and clinginess are normal…actually Dr. Simon said that this age is peak for these behaviors, so hopefully they’ll start getting better.

He weighed 31 lbs 4 oz and was 35″ tall. He’s above the 95% for his age. Dr. Simon said that he registers more like an average 3 year old so not to be offended when people ask why he can’t talk any better - LOL.

He’s becoming quite the mimic…especially where Ian’s concerned. Tonight Brandon was taking pictures of the boys with his new camera phone and Ian was waving his hand in front of the camera, so of course Noah did it too. They stayed with Brandon’s parents today while I was at work and they went swimming. Nana was telling Ian how to move his arms to swim and Noah started moving them, too.

He’s a huge love bug and is often just as content to sit and be held as he is to get down and play. His vocabulary is growing everyday as is his climbing skills. He’s a strong little booger, too.

Here are some pics we took while waiting for Dr. Simon. He always looks big, but when I see him walking around in just a diaper he looks so much bigger than normal!

He and Ian were pretending to be Indiana Jones - in the Wii Legoland game when he gets around snakes he covers his eyes, starts shuffling around and groaning. Noah saw Ian do it a couple of times and has started picking it up, too. He’s such a ham, so when he sees us laughing his movements get more and more exaggerated so that he can get a bigger laugh from us.

Every Tuesday (at least through next week) we head to the library for reading time. Next week they meet Big Mo from the Biscuits and a player or two, next Thursday they get to see The Ugly Bug Ball and then after that it’s over! I enjoy taking Ian, but this summer has turned out to be SOOOOO busy with t-ball and me working 2 days that I’m ready for an extra day to stay at home and do nothing…um, clean house

Ian got this fan-tabulous hat at Chick-fil-a (in case you couldn’t tell) on Monday. He obviously really liked it. I threw it in the trash last night. Bad Mommy.

Ian and his prize for having 5 books read to him.

Our niece, Kaylon, took Noah up to the front to listen for a while - he didn’t last long. You can see his curls over her shoulder (orange shirt) and Ian’s to the right (stripe shirt).

Craft Time - Our niece Hannah is in the pink and Daniel is in the red.

They learned about Bees during story time, so their craft was to make bees out of their thumb prints then they could add the wings, stinger, etc. Ian did his all by himself. Can you tell how good they were? I was really impressed.